called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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