my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
