Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
