Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
