TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize