Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
