I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love having hate sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
