She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize