Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
