Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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