Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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