Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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