did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
