Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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