Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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