We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
