If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
