i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
