How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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