i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
