just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize