I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
