Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
