I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
