I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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