Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
