so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
