I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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