your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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