I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
