dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
