I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
