you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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