I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
