I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
