Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
