just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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