I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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