I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
