You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
