Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize