Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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