if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
