I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize