just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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