His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
