i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
