can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
