Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
