I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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