Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
