I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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