420 ftw
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
