Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
