i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize