So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
