hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
zippers are such a cool invention
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
