just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I believe in your delicious
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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