OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Congratulations! We have a period
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