btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
