Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i've created a new STD.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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