all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
do nipples grow back?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
