Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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