Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
