Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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